I just flipped a denial into a reality. The result—BREAKTHROUGH!
When I was 8, some newborn kittens died, and I remember crying for hours and hours. This was new. Other pets had died in the past, but I had barely noticed.
What happened this time was that I assigned a desperately sad meaning to death and loss that matched that of my parents. This is normal for children to do, but subconsciously, I took it one step further. In defense against the unspeakable horror I had decided death and loss were, I created the belief that “I’m not my body.” After all, no body, no death or loss. Problem handled. Right?
Not really. After decades of fighting to prove I’m not my body, I came to realize that the natural outcome of this belief might actually be the early loss of my body. Hmm. That’s not what I had intended.
So I began to SAY WHAT YOU SEE to myself to see where this would go. To do that, I simply switched the “I” to “you” and instantly became my own best listener.
Over the next few days, my occasional validations, “You are not your body,” were comforting, and all I needed to hear while a few other important breakthroughs fell into place.
As I continued to SWYS to myself, I finally realized, “Wait a minute. To fight so hard and so long to prove you are not your body, you must really think you are!” With that thought, the whole thing broke apart and I realized I was right, “I really am not my body; I simply have one!” For the first time since age 8, I was free to enjoy the body I’ve been given. What a gift!
It put me in mind of what I tell parents about a child’s need for experience: “I have this body, now what can I do with it?”
That’s exactly how I feel now. I’ve started exercising for fun, dancing when I hear music, dressing my body up, decorating it with makeup, styling my hair, smiling when I look in the mirror!!! I even honor the changes age has brought and am intrigued to see what is yet to come.
In short, I have a whole new freedom to be anything and a new reverence for my body for the remarkable ride it provides through life.
